These legs were made for running. Who knew?!

Wednesday 3 August 2011

Running saved my life...

A little bit loopy...
Now I know that "running saved my life" sounds a little dramatic, but it really is true.  I initially started running because my health was beginning to deteriorate, but I had no idea that it would also improve my mental health.  The topic today is anxiety and depression and it nearly killed me. 

My earliest memory of the black wave that used to wash over me, which I now know was the beginnings of anxiety and depression, was at 4 years old.  I suffered from this black wave for so much of my life, that I thought these feelings were normal.  And it certainly never occurred to me that there might be ways to successfully manage this disease.

In my late 20's I found alcohol which initially seemed to help me survive these feelings.  Unfortunately the "medication" was ultimately worse than the disease I was trying to treat.  Fortunately, I have not had a drink in almost 15 years and I now know that this was never a solution.  Unfortunately, the anxiety and depression continued to rule my days and nights until I reached a point where I contemplated taking my life daily and slept only a few hours every night.  Fortunately I did eventually get help for my anxiety and depression which gave me just enough will to start taking better care of myself.

Thus the commencement of walking and eating nutritious food which turned into running and eating nutritious food.  And after I had been running for a while, I noticed on the days that I ran I had fewer anxiety and depression breakthroughs and if I did have a breakthrough, I was somehow able to cope with it more proactively and put it into perspective (well most of the time - perfection has never been my strong suit).  And conversely I found that when I didn't run, I didn't cope as well.  And sometimes, the thoughts of ending my life would come creeping ever so quietly back into my head...

Now to some, this all may sound a bit morose and scary.  And maybe some of you are thinking TMI (too much information!) But I am undertaking this blog for me and acknowledging my battle with mental illness and having the courage to write it down feels pretty dang fantastic.  And if it resounds with someone else, well that is fantastic too. 

What can I say - I am a bit loopy by nature.  And this loopyness will always be sitting on my shoulder because it has nothing better to do.  And also because it has known me since I was a little girl and I guess it's kind of attached to me after all of these years.  But fortunately running a few loops around the neighbourhood helps.  And where there is help, there is hope.  And where there is hope there are endless possibilities....

1 comment:

  1. You are very brave to share this with us. I'm so glad that you found running:-)

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